As promised in the last review, I am going to take a look at one of the recently written and surprisingly popular micro book erotica novel with both the traditional and newcomer erotica readers out there. I am talking about Elijah Daniel’s magnum opus, Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bellboy.
One of many satirical romance novels written about Donald Trump (which previous books would include Tennee Jones’ Humpin’ Trump and Amanda Roses’ Older Man Younger Woman First Time Erotica: Temptations By Trump – The Billionaire & The Cocktail Waitress) that would have the sagging insult to humanity using his powerful position (definitely not a euphemism for his penis) to have his way with anyone or anything he wants. Written by Elijah Daniel as a drunken joke in under four hours and later published on January 20, 2016, it had quickly gotten fame on the internet as both a titillating tale and a laugh out riot. But is it really as great as people make it to be? Grab your stomach medicine, alcohol and means of comfort and let’s dive into Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bell-boy.
The book would start off with the most subtle of warnings imaginable, something to give every trigger warning prone person a run for their money:
A Message To Readers
What the fuck are you doing? Seriously.
Why are you reading this shit? I wrote this really fucking drunk and in 4hrs.
This is really bad, and it’s meant to be really bad. You paid fucking real actual
money for this shit. You need to reevaluate your life.
But thanks for reading my fucking garbage, I guess.
I’m so sorry.
After that, we are introduced to the titular Bell-Boy, fresh from a small farm town in Michigan as he works in a Hong Kong hotel. He soon runs into the man himself, the bronzed wrinkling man himself with the golden toupee, Donald Trump. While other MBEs would turn the infamous man into a beast erotic, the author paints him as such:
He stood there in front of me, like a tall stallion. With his oily orange skin
glistening in the sunlight as if he were a soggy cheeto, his hair unkempt and
messy, like a gorgeous rat’s nest. He was beautiful…
…His gorgoeous ass flapped behind him like a mouthwatering stack of pancakes in his pants.
My hunger for pancakes had never been stronger.
Indeed, I really want pancakes too. But I am getting ahead of myself. The story continues with the Bell-boy receiving a wad of cash and a note from Donald to come back later with nicer clothing. The Bell-boy is unsure of what to do, he feels an almost unnatural attraction to Donald Trump. After this, we go to the second chapter, ironically named ‘Blood Sausage’. After some ‘encouragement’ from his roommate, he decides to meet ‘The Donald’.
Coming into his penthouse, Donald Trump makes it clear about what he wants and they begin to make out, but the Bell-Boy makes a discovery and utters what could be the greatest line ever put in a MBE:
DONALD TRUMP IS A FUCKING REPTILIAN!
This is the line that had me choking up in laughter for literally five minutes as I read this in my downtime at work. Keep in mind, it is probably a bad idea to read this in a workplace that deals with children.Truthfully, I wish there was more to this story, but that is the end of the story as the author tells us “Bet you didn’t fucking expect that”.
What can I say about this MBE apart from it is the most unconventional of micro-book erotica that I have read in years.While this book lacks the absurd and out there sex that is usually makes up a lot of these kinds of books, it succeeds with its vivid imagery, humor and intent. It is also hard to bash a book that was essentially written in four hours after multiple bottles of wine as a joke. But is it worth reading? The answer to this would be yes, it is worth reading even if for a quick laugh at what many people consider to be the reboot Hitler. While the premise of this story sounds more like an idea for a skit on either College Humor or Saturday Night Live, it is in my opinion, better as a written story.
You can find Elijah Daniel’s Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bell-Boy on most online retailers such as Amazon.